Or was it my impeccably polished pink nails? Or the oxblood red lipstick and the mountain of mascara caked to my long, fluffy eyelashes? All of the above? As I grew more comfortable in the scene, I began to recoil at the word “femme. I wanted to be taken seriously, damn it. So why did I think “femme” was synonymous with being a brainless joke? Oh, because I, like so many girls, had a lifetime of internalized sexism stewing inside of me. See, we lesbians came of age in the same misogynistic society as everyone else.
Should I Pay for a Date Simply Because I Am the Stud?
By datshawty18 Danick , September 13, in Lifestyles and Relationships. Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping. So if we aint the same level then dont get at me. I wish you luck in finding someone that understands and accepts the fact that the two are not always, mutually exclusive. So, you are here for breeding purposes? Or do you mean you are a buff female?
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Lesbian Actually is a sub for you to be open and honest about the struggles, triumphs, and day to day life of being a woman who is attracted to women. Post cannot be directed at a user or posted to call out a user – If you want to speak with a particular user or have something to say to them, message them directly. Any form of discrimination will not be tolerated. This means name calling, hostile language, homophobia, transphobia, biphobia. Referring to a trans woman as anything other than a woman or a trans woman will not be tolerated.
The lesbian community is vastly diverse. We are not going to agree on everything but in order for this community to work we have to be able to understand and accept each others differences. Everyone is welcome here as long as they understand that this is a place to talk about things involving the lesbian community. Sexy Stuff. Safe Space. I have no advice, just a comment.
Stud Lesbian Personals
To be honest, I dated her with the intention of experimentation. I was intrigued by the butch-femme dynamic that seemed to be so steeped in lesbianism and wanted to see what it would be like. Looking back, I realize how shallow and selfish I was to use her in satisfying my own curiosity, but the universe got me back when I ended up falling hard for a woman who had never so much as used concealer to cover a zit.
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Being gay in Greensboro, North Carolina, is pretty simple: The LGBT community is small, so people like who they like, explained Robin, a year-old black lesbian who was taken aback when she relocated to Atlanta a few years ago. For starters, Atlanta women were into labels. Further, those labels limited socially acceptable couples to one type — a butch and a femme. Heteronormative gender roles are a signature of lesbian circles, influencing everything from body language to hairstyle.
In the love department, dapper studs date sultry femmes, according to decades-old cultural rules that have a particularly strong foothold among black LGBT women. More masculine-presenting black lesbians are embracing the idea of romance between butch women. Stud for stud — or S4S — women are showing up on TV shows, forming online groups and openly turning their backs on rules that say Ms.
Right must carry a purse. Insiders say such relationships are old news among whites. But in black circles, where strict ideas of what it means to be a lesbian prevail, the evolution is causing celebration and controversy. Photo courtesy Kai Brown. The hit film has sparked spirited discussions at showings in Atlanta and across the country.
For black lesbians, masculinity has long meant carefully mimicking black males. Generations later, many black lesbians continue to closely mirror cisgender men, even down to their homophobia, said Washington, D.
Stud VS. Butch: What’s the difference?
I actually tricked one of my best friends into writing the majority of this blog for me. We were discussing the topic and she emailed me her experiences. She was kind enough to let me repost her email because she touches on the points I wanted to bring up. Looking forward to any readers input. This is also for all the femmes and girls of all labels that are attracted to butches and studs. So on this Stud vs.
define us, nor should they box us into dating only one type of woman. I think if you are femme and you like other femmes, or if you are a stud.
Lesbian labels span a wide spectrum. At the far-masculine end, we have the butch lesbians: The ones who look and act like men. At the far-feminine end, we have the lipstick lesbians: The ones who are often misappropriated as straight women. After a bit of examination, we should be able to determine the primary differences and start addressing our partners by the appropriate terms as long as the term is one they agree with; remember, labels are a very personal thing, and no one can assign a label to someone else.
This is a different category than trans men, as we have addressed in a previous article, but society may tend to lump the two together. Shortly after coming out, I made the mistake of telling a stone-butch that she was pretty — and she was rather offended! Butch women are also likely to have more masculine interests as well. Truly, butch women may be into cars, or sports, or even construction trades.
Studs are slightly different from butch women, although they may share many of the same traits. My girlfriend, for example, identifies as a stud, and she wears her very-long hair in braids.
Dictionary of Lesbian Terms.
A lesbian who is neither masculine nor feminine in appearance or behavior. Universally known as Unisex. This is a woman who can form meaningful relationships with both sexes. When she is with a woman, she is with her, and fits totally into the gay world with no problems. When she is with a man, she fits totally into the straight world, and totally loves him. She is not really confused, she just falls in love with a person and not a gender.
One can also identify as a ‘power bottom’ like a ‘power bottom femme’ in lesbian Hermaphrodite—An out-of-date and offensive term for an intersexed person. whose gender expression falls somewhere between a stud and a femme.
Ally — Someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, heterosexual and genderstraight privilege in themselves and others; a concern for the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex people; and a belief that heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia are social justice issues. Asexual — Person who is not sexually attracted to anyone or does not have a sexual orientation. These practices are often misunderstood as abusive, but when practiced in a safe, sane, and consensual manner can be a part of healthy sex life.
Many men who do not have one or all of these characteristics define themselves as bears, making the term a very loose one. Berdache — A generic term used to refer to a third gender person woman-living-man. Biphobia — The fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of bisexuals, which is often times related to the current binary standard.
This attraction does not have to be equally split between genders and there may be a preference for one gender over others. Bottom — A person who is said to take a more submissive role during sexual interactions. A bottom position does not mean a lack of power. Butch — A person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Cisgender — describes someone who feels comfortable with the gender identity and gender expression expectations assigned to them based on their physical sex.
This can be a continual, life-long process for homosexual, bisexual, transgender, and intersexed individuals.
Butch Femme Dating
Beibian: A lesbian that strongly resembles Justin Bieber. Specifically, they have a similar haircut as the young pop star. Biebians have become overwhelmingly numerous within the last couple of years. Butch, Stud: The polar opposite of a femme. Butches often require a double-take to determine whether they are male or female.
I don’t mind paying for the date. Actually, I usually do pay. I think the last time a femme paid for me was four years ago. That was the best damn.
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The Best Dating Apps For Lesbians, Queer, & Bi Women
I have had the same face powder since I was in high school. Ninety-nine percent of my outfits involve a blazer or a faux-leather jacket, and a t-shirt. The only jewelry I wear is a pair of stud earrings. I love to cook and ordering takeout offends my New England thrifty sensibilities. I sew my clothes when they have a rip. Responsible and self-sufficient.
When I go out on a date, I always have the same dilemma: pay for the dinner or go dutch? Because I am a masculine-identified woman, I usually end up paying. If she invites me out, I pay. If I invite her, I pay. I am what you would consider old-fashioned. I believe in courting, going on dates, getting that nervous first kiss and asking the awkward questions to find out if you’re even sexually compatible with me. I don’t mind paying for the date. Actually, I usually do pay.
I think the last time a femme paid for me was four years ago. That was the best damn steak I’ve ever eaten in my life! What I do have a problem with is feminine women who think that just because they are femme, they should not pay for anything, ever.
Online dating as a lesbian, for the most part, still involves having to deal with men. Many sites continue to surface guys as potential mates, despite setting your preferences otherwise. Up until recently, some of the nation has acted as though lesbianism didn’t exist outside of porn and Ellen Degeneres, and acted as if girls only turn to dating women if they had a bad experience with a man. This, of course, is not true.
If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you’ve experienced the frustration with dating sites and apps that claim to be inclusive to all sexual orientations, only to realize that some closeted quirks make it obvious that the straights are the target. Our pick for the best app specifically for lesbians is HER : The fact that it’s made by queer women for queer women is a breath of fresh air, and knowing that men showing up is next to impossible is so nice.
feminine than most studs or wear makeup. a soft stud will usually have a femme for a girlfriend but may also date another stud that is more masculine than her.
Butch and femme are terms used in the lesbian subculture  to ascribe or acknowledge a masculine butch or feminine femme identity with its associated traits, behaviors, styles, self-perception, and so on. This concept has been called a “way to organize sexual relationships and gender and sexual identity”. Both the expression of individual lesbians of butch and femme identities and the relationship of the lesbian community in general to the notion of butch and femme as an organizing principle for sexual relating varied over the course of the 20th century.
The word femme is taken from the French word for woman. The word butch , meaning “masculine”, may have been coined by abbreviating the word butcher , as first noted in George Cassidy’s nickname, Butch Cassidy. There is debate about to whom the terms butch and femme can apply, and particularly whether transgender individuals can be identified in this way.
For example, Jack Halberstam argues that transgender men cannot be considered butch, since it constitutes a conflation of maleness with butchness. He further argues that butch—femme is uniquely geared to work in lesbian relationships. On the other hand, writer Jewelle Gomez mused that butch and femme women in the earlier twentieth century may have been expressing their closeted transgender identity.
Scholars such as Judith Butler and Anne Fausto-Sterling suggest that butch and femme are not attempts to take up “traditional” gender roles. Instead, they argue that gender is socially and historically constructed, rather than essential, “natural”, or biological. The femme lesbian historian Joan Nestle argues that femme and butch may be seen as distinct genders in and of themselves.