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Even though online dating is widespread and fairly socially acceptable these days, there is something a little humiliating to me about having succumbed to it. None of these irritations, however, are the real reason I am seriously considering pulling the plug on my online dating life. The real reason is that I have come to a conclusion about internet dating for ministers or at least for this minister. It is impossible to let a relationship develop in a way that even vaguely resembles natural if you are clergy, because of one factor: sex.
Allow me to give a recent example from my own experience. I received a first inquiry from a fairly promising candidate. Sex is important, and I understand the desire not to get involved with someone who is going to turn out to be a nun. Even the infamous song asks if you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain before it gets around to making love at midnight on the dunes of the Cape.
This is the question that comes up every time, without fail, usually in the first communication, always by the second. The S. Premarital Abstinence sailed long ago, and it is not returning to port. How do I say all of that to some guy online who is looking for a quick yes or no? So I think about what I would say to the young women with whom I work, who struggle to have healthy relationships in a world that expects them to be sexually promiscuous, and labels them as repressed prudes if they put off sex beyond the third date — or sometimes the first.
How are they supposed to develop a sexual ethic that helps them on the path toward being whole and balanced individuals with a variety of healthy relationships?
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At a recent seminar I attended on pastoral health and wellness, speakers single statistics showing the impact of ministry stress on married pastors and their spouses and children. But what about single pastors who hold this stress alone? Where are we in the statistics? Women pastors are already underrepresented in most studies on clergy. Data on single women pastors is virtually non-existent.
Twenty years on from the launch of the first online dating site, , I’d had serious relationships in the past, and the main feedback my pastors had.
That the apostle Paul was either a lifelong single or widowed seems to be the consensus of scholars. There’s an old joke about a committee telling a young pastoral candidate why they would not consider him. It’s not that pastor search committees are against singleness. Every member of the search team either is now or has been single at some point. It’s rather that they believe marriage has a good effect on a man, and they prefer a pastor who has the balance in his life which only a loving, faithful, dedicated female can provide.
Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox! Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. Also—let’s admit the obvious here—they’re deathly afraid of what might happen if the preacher starts dating someone in the congregation! Jimmy, a single pastor, tells me churches fear the notion of calling such a person as their shepherd for various reasons:.
Never mind that he grew up in a family! As though marriage would cure a pedophile. Either way, says my friend, such churches would end up bypassing the Lord Jesus and the apostle Paul for their pastors. Most of our churches have not quite known what to do with 1 Corinthians 7 but it’s there, in their Bibles:.
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Related Articles. At a recent seminar I attended on pastoral health and wellness, speakers single statistics showing the impact of ministry stress on married.
Recently, I was invited to participate in a panel on singleness at a Christian conference. I shared my experience as a single woman pastor and how single clergy can feel isolated in a church culture where marriage is the default. It was the first time since university that I had an honest, direct, public conversation about singleness in the church. We hear countless sermons about marriage, but singleness is not often addressed publicly in Christian communities.
When I do talk about my experiences as a single woman, I usually talk among my friends, not in my church. At a recent seminar I attended on pastoral health and wellness, speakers highlighted statistics showing the impact of ministry stress on married pastors and their spouses and children. But what about single pastors who hold this stress alone?
Where are we in these statistics? Women pastors are already underrepresented in most studies on clergy. Data on single women pastors is virtually non-existent. I also want to be judged as the minister I actually am. I care deeply about the ordination process within my denomination.